I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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