she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
