Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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