The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
