Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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