I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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