She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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