I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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