no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
