So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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