I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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