I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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