I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
