I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
