i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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