I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
