ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
