i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
