She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
