There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
