yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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