I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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