I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
