..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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