drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
