i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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