This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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