I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
