It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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