no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
