Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
