i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
