Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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