I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
