CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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