so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
