Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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