So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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