My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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