I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
