Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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