what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize