I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
