I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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