VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
