i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
