We got so high we made milksteak
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
