There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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