At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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