You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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