nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
