alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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