You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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