I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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