I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
