I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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