There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
