Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked