I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.