I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
nutella sex= disaster
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.