His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dating After Heartbreak
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.