Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.