Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.