the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom