I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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