After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
