strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
