May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
