Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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