I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize