you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
