don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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