Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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