My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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